This would have been our 5th date.
We have great dates; our conversation is ongoing, the laughter consistent, the energy between us easy and light.
He always asks to see me again at the close of our dates, and that feels really good! We were both really excited to see the other again this weekend.
I was putting on my makeup and I had a premonition….should I be putting on my makeup?!?!
My coaching call was at 6:30pm, and my date and I were confirmed to meet at 745, so I wanted to be ready to go when I was done with my call.
6:28 the phone rings, it’s him. I knew instantly something was up, he said “I have some bad news, I have to cancel for tonight, I’m so sorry. My sister is on her way to my place, she and her boyfriend are breaking up.”
While I was disappointed, I understood and it is endearing and sweet that he is available for his sister to lean on.
I only had 2 minutes to be grateful for his call and to accept his invitation for us to go out Saturday and I to phone me later that night.
Turns out we didn’t chat later that night, he had texted me very close to 10 (he knows I shut it down at 10J ) and told me they were still chatting and she was pretty upset, I was thankful for his message and told him so, and let him know he could call me tomorrow.
I shared this all with my coach as a BRAG! We celebrate positive experiences as BRAGS and share a minimum of 3 each call, it’s something I have implemented with my clients, and my friends; we don’t celebrate ourselves and our accomplishments often enough!
Here’s why this story is a BRAG!!
When choosing love here, we both won. I was understanding of the circumstances, he felt safe to keep himself open to me by asking to call me later; I was APPRECIATIVE and grateful for him CALLING me to cancel, and I TOLD him son, it’s not easy for most of us to be present and make a call versus sending a text, especially when there’s disappointing news being delivered. Being loving here allowed me to be productive with the rest of my evening, I took care of myself by eating some yummy vegetarian cuisine from the restaurant down the street, I had a nice chat with a girlfriend, and I went to bed earlier to immerse myself in the novel I am reading. AND I trusted he would call me Saturday. And, he DID.
It could have gone the other way; upon hearing the cancellation, I could have been annoyed and resentful toward him. He would have likely felt UNappreciated and might NOT have wanted to call me later or reschedule our date. In being resentful, I would have held this moment against him for who knows HOW many more dates, and would have absolutely impacted any further growth of the relationship. I would have moped around, complained, made him WRONG and labeled him an Asshole or a douche and wrote him off. This would have also made ME feel bad.
Feel the difference in those two scenarios??
Which one are you most relating to?
I’m not saying choosing love is always easy, because it is not!! I am sitting here writing this knowing I have more choices to make for myself and I’m having a hard time choosing love.
The most important piece here is this: Choosing love doesn’t mean you allow people to walk all over you, or accept less than what you deserve; it doesn’t mean ignoring how you feel and it definitely doesn’t mean PRETEND to feel a different way.
In order to CHOOSE love every time it is critical that you FIRST FEEL YOUR FEELINGS, so If you are pissed, you MUST allow yourself to BE PISSED. Give yourself a time limit to feel the shit that is keeping you from love, when you have fully expressed those feelings of anger, fear, resentment, etc., come back to the situation at hand with new eyes, ears, feelings; see now, how it may be easier for you to see the person with more love and compassion.
Remember, the other person is US. How would YOU want to be treated if the situation were reversed?
If I had to cancel a date because someone important to me TRULY needed me, I would sure as hell want my partner to be supportive and understanding. And that is how I am choosing to be here.
I don’t know where this relationship is going. I don’t know if he’s “the one”, and I don’t have to. I just have to be present in each moment, gather information, be love, be compassionate, Be ME, and have fun uncovering whether or not he is the one who deserves ME.
Want more?! leave me a comment and tell me what dating challenges you’re facing and want to overcome!