The Breakdown That Connected Me To Love

I never thought one weekend would have such an impact on my life, in fact, I’m still reeling from the high of what I accomplished.

And I have to be honest, I have no idea how to translate this experience into words, because as you know, sometimes you just have to be there to understand.

Memories

What I can say for certain is that I know first hand what it feels like to take on something that is hard, to commit to doing something completely out of your comfort zone.

I felt like I was running on this volcano.

I can tell you I know how debilitating it is when you have a negative reel on replay in your head, and how much suffering that causes.

I remember the only time during this training when that happened, and it was he hardest, HARDEST workout ever.
I wanted to quit.
My mind was telling me to quit, telling me how hard it was, how I couldn’t do it, and I remember stopping soooo many times, and at one point, crying.

I was hot AF.
I started later than I normally would, and I was letting the circumstances get the best of me.

And I will share with you, that I’ve totally felt that way about my love life.

Give Up, Give In?!?  NO!!!!

I wanted to give up on love. I was tired of feeling like no one was out there for me, I was frustrated that the men I found myself attracted to, were absolutely the wrong guys for me, but I wanted them to choose me anyway.

Even when I was defeated by the heat – I never gave up on ME!

I felt defeated.

After my breakdown on my training run, I made a choice

I chose me!

I chose to show myself what  capable of.
I chose to make that hill my B%*!&! And I kept going.

I never missed a workout.
I did them all, no matter how tired I was, I didn’t make any excuses.

I showed up for myself 💯

And that has made ALL the difference.

This Hell on the Hill was HardAF

But was ready.
I knew I could do it, And I got to show myself just how F%$&-ing awesome I am.

I declared my intention-

I intended to finish and nothing was going to stop me from finishing.

Just like in love.

I intend to see this through.

There’s no giving up on love.

I’ve battled the workouts of negative beliefs, I’ve dove deep into the pool of not feeling deserving , and I’ve conquered the dragons of my past.

I was the third one to finish & that makes me feel amazing!! I can own my Badass Self!!

There’s no room for me not to believe.
There’s no room for doubting myself.
There’s only room for celebrating what is to come.

I finished the hill.

100 times up AND down a slippery, steep (70% incline), in mostly full sun, in about 89 degree weather, totaling 8.5 miles, I finished third, and I finished in 3 hours and 5 minutes.

I never stopped for rest.
I took care of myself along the way = hydrated and spoke only good, encouraging words to myself.

And it made me feel so much better than the day when I wanted to quit, and was telling myself I couldn’t do it.

And that’s been my practice for love,
When I stop choosing me and talk down to myself, I lose in love.

I don’t attract the men I desire.
And I don’t feel like love is on the way.

Major Shift…

One of my biggest lessons has been to learn how to accept and love all of me, 💯

This experience helped me recommit to choose me first, and always.
It’s strengthened my mind even more, and it helped me connect even deeper to my heart.

And when I’m in my heart, I can’t go wrong.
I attract amazing men who want to serve and please me, who love seeing me, and want to make me happy.

Because I make them happy.

And that’s what happens when you just keep going.

You get to walk the highs and lows, knowing you’ve always got your back, and watch the man who has your back walk right into your life.

Comments 1

  1. Hi Lena, it is always so nice to hear from you, and tou are right once you set a goal for yourself never give up no matter how difficult it may become and when you achieve your goal there is nothing that make you have that lovely sense of achievement.

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