I was Up and at ’em at 3:30 am, travelling solo to take part in an Aphrodite Goddess Yoga retreat, 50 women from all over the world were joining together in Chacala, Mexico.I had no idea what to expect, I just knew I needed this reset.
2 planes, a long bus ride, and some crabbiness later….. I arrived at Mar de Jade; greeted by friendly and warm staff, I dropped my stuff in my room, and walked to the beach; I had landed, I wanted to GROUND.
As I walked around the corner from the pool surrounded in pink, red, and yellow flower bushes, a beautiful Goddess woman, who I would learn was one of the sisters assisting in the retreat, introduced herself to me, she was so sweet, and she was wearing a bathing suit (duh- we were at the beach! HA!), and it was in that moment of seeing her, I instantly felt myself shrink in my perception and judgement of what I looked like in comparison to her. UGH.
And so it was revealed to me, one of the most significant releases I was going to be invited to let go of during my time here.
In our first temple we were asked what our WHY was for saying yes to this, I always feel I struggle with the WHY, like it has to be some huge thing, I get into my head and I literally can feel myself making something up.
I mean, could it be too simple that I saw it, It looked interesting, I was intrigued and needed a week away?
But that’s not the truth, there was a deeper why, and as I sat, grounded into my body and feeling my breath, the WHY emerged…. my intention became clear – to release judgement of myself, to surrender, to let go of control.
In one word – COMPASSION.
So, naturally, when it came my turn to share in the sacred circle, COMPASSION was my one word I chose that summed up my reason for being there. I don’t know if you’ve ever been surrounded by 49 other women in a Goddess temple space, but if you haven’t, let me tell you, it’s intense. Intensely sacred.
As I stood there holding the hands of two women I had barely met, on either side of me, I felt the power of the circle. I felt the power of every single woman’s intention for choosing to be in this circle; I felt the bond we were creating in this sacred circle, by simply taking time to SEE and HEAR our fellow sisters speak.
Our Temple Leaders assigned us a triad, 3 sacred women with whom we would be invited to share deeply about ourselves, and explore the senses with food, scent, sound, and touch.
I am in awe of how easy it was to deeply connect with these women.
It’s not every day I am deeply gazing into the eyes of another, be it man, or woman, and sharing intimately truths of myself. I found it safe to surrender and let myself be seen and heard completely; I suppose it was the greater intention of surrender that coaxed me to do so, so I could really surrender, and heal.
It was not a coincidence that every woman I connected with had a gift to give back to me.
One of the most significant moments shared between me and a sister was when we were asked to share a picture we drew, and what it meant to us – without using words. We had to move our bodies in the form of a physical mantra, movement that connected us to what we drew.
After that, we were invited to sit eye to eye and share with our sister where or how we felt we were “failing”, those were SO not the words they used, but it was along those lines, the lines of what we are or were afraid of.
I shared so much, how I feel like sometimes I don’t know my path, how I can be so hard on myself, how I wonder if I’m doing it all wrong sometimes, and am I just being selfish by taking “the easy way out”.
She took it all in, listening with her eyes, her ears, holding my hands, holding my gaze.
At the end of our share we were guided to say, “I see you sister. I honor you sister. You are perfect just as you are”
As I said that to her, I cried.
I cried, and cried because I was getting what I needed from myself by looking into the eyes of this beautiful sister, and seeing her AS me. The most beautiful mirror. We were the mirrors for each other to give and receive exactly what the other one needed.
None of us would have guessed how song, dance, yoga, a sweat lodge, tears, laughter, sensuality, prayer, and lots of good food would transform us in just 6 days….
I left this beautiful land feeling more open, less harsh, filled with so much love, owning my inner Aphrodite Goddess, and with amazing new women friends to keep in touch with.
I also left in a super great outfit 😊, and looking ridiculously tired in my face, and hair, and still found myself in judgement of how I looked.
Interestingly enough, I was complimented by at least a dozen people during my travels back home; ” I love your necklaces!” “Your shoes are so cute!” ” I love everything you’re wearing!”
I was even chatted up by a couple of attractive business men – I highly recommend retreats for clearing your aura and making you an instant hit with ALL humans!!
Seriously, though, I was still hating on my body on the inside, yet the universe was SHOWING me that I am RECEIVED exactly as I am.
What I realized when I got home was this:
When I was a young girl, I was SO JOYFUL in my body, until I wasn’t.
And that time when I wasn’t was because someone, my aunt, made a comment that stayed in my brain “do you really think you need that extra piece of chicken?”
That was the moment I instinctively started questioning myself, what I ate, how I looked, and it took my joy away.
The judgment of my body, the shaming wasn’t there for me to heal the wound, it led me back to joy. It gave me the mirror I needed to see myself in joy, in love, in appreciation, exactly as I saw myself before someone planted the seed that maybe I shouldn’t see me that way.
I’m not going to lie, it’s still a practice. Regularly, I catch myself mid negative thought. But the 12 year old girl in me who is so joyful and happy – I love her. And I want her to stay happy and joyful!
Shit, MEN DON’T LOOK AT WHAT WE LOOK AT!! They just see our light and feel our energy.
Turns out I AM a GODDESS and love has been here the whole time. It’s a matter of choosing it over anything else.
I got back from my trip and I was feeling super charged, could have been the full moon, too 🙂 I noticed how I was wanting to spread my energy around, make phone calls, and talk to people. But there was no intention of connecting, it was purely from an overflow of energy. That was my signal – I needed to GROUND that energy within, contain it, not give it away for no purpose. I sat in the car and called in he grounding energy of the earth, and got solid. HERE’s a QUICK VIDEO showing you what you can do when you feel your energy is scattered. Click here to check it out!!
In the comments below please tell me:
Do you have a desire to connect with more women in your life? Would a moon circle, a community of like minded women be something you would want to be a part of? I want to know! Tell me if connection is important to you. <3