I’ve been getting this a lot lately, and while I am grateful and receive these words of affirmation, I don’t always feel so amazing.
When I feel less than amazing, I fall into my pattern of “what did I do wrong.”
This is exactly what happened earlier this week. I had been conversing with a man I matched with, and we were making plans to meet. Our original plan was derailed due to some work travel on his end, so we moved it, and in the morning when I got his message, my high flying attitude crashed and burned.
I found myself in a downward spiral of inner judgement, looking to others for advice. Then when I said something, someone else might have said differently — I could feel myself want to make myself wrong.
I was up against a wall and I had a choice, I could let myself go down the road of feeling bad and wrong
I could get myself back to neutral, bring myself up, and out of the despair that felt so easy to fall into.
Because I know I am SO close to the love and relationship I desire, there’s no way I can give in to my pattern!
I won’t give in. I won’t give up!
After asking for help, I gave myself permission to feel my feelings, without restriction. And then I could calmly reflect, reconnect, and re-frame.
It can be really easy to think that love just happens for you, but in truth, there’s a concerted amount of time, and intention you put in to be the woman your someone special wants to commit to.
Having a deep, soul-connected, devoted man who cherishes you takes a willingness to look deep inside of You and take a look at what is actually happening in your love life.
What kind of results are you getting right now?
Can you step out of your critical mind for a moment, and simply ask yourself,
Am I showing up for love?
Is what I am doing working?
What do I really want?
If you’re bumping up against the same wall over, and over, then you have the same opportunity as me!
You get to make a new choice!!
I know how easy it is to judge yourself, to make yourself wrong, or bad.
I have literally LIVED it.
I can tell you to STOP that, and it might work for a wee bit, but there’s a core wound there, and there’s more to healing it than just simply putting a band-aid of STOP over it.
What I know for sure is that I want to feel good, and I believe YOU want to feel good, too.
So when you’re judging yourself hard, questioning your worth, and making yourself wrong,
Does this feel good?
Start thinking of things that make you feel good, like that man who loves making dinner with you, who loves, adores, and cherishes you; who is committed to you and has your back no matter what.
Come back to love.
The other day I took a pretty bold action for love.
I was doing my training workout at the park, running/walking up and down Art Hill for an hour, and I was the only one out there.
I had a thought,
what would it feel like to really declare your desire out loud right now?
I challenged myself.
I decided I would run, without stopping UP that hill and all the while declaring “I’m DONE being single!”
I didn’t care if anyone heard me.
I AM DONE BEING SINGLE.
I asked when my mind wanted to stop me from running.
I am SO done! I am done being single!
I kept going until I got to the top.
And it felt SO GOOD.
I got myself back to faith.
I’ve been taking risks all my life, but none have felt so risky as seeing, healing, and loving ALL of me.
After all, loving ALL of you is what you want from your man, right?
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. – Anais Nin
How much are you willing to risk for love?
You have the same choices I do.