Ghosted….😕

Return to the scene:

He cancelled our date on Friday due to his sister needing him, then I get a text an hour before our rescheduled date on Saturday, telling me his sister showed up at his house crying and upset, and he would call when he could.

That was one week and 4 days ago. But who’s counting?!!? 😀

It TOTALLY SUCKS…

when you *feel* like the relationship is flowing along nice and easy and then POOF!! It’s taken away.

NO ONE wants to be “ghosted.” And most of us take it personally when it happens. (I did!) Truth is, we NEVER know what happens to make someone disappear.

I’m being brutally honest here, I was SHOCKED!! I was shocked when I didn’t hear from him later the same night, I was shocked when I didn’t have a text (at minimum!) from him the next morning, and I continued to be shocked when it had become Monday, and still no contact from him.

It seemed totally out of character to what I experienced with him so far.

And in my mind, I was like “I’m tired of waiting. I’ve waited on SO MANY men. I’m not waiting to communicate”.

So, I sent a simple text “Hey! Good morning. Is everyone and everything ok?! Since I hadn’t heard from you, I was concerned something had gone awry. May you have a good day.”

And. Crickets.

In full disclosure, It’s been a rough week.

I’ve cried a lot and I’ve spent WAY too much energy on trying to figure out if I did something “wrong” (that’s the Go-To mind game I play with myself).

But here’s the thing, the REAL issue isn’t that HE disappeared, it’s that his disappearing triggered the ROOT of a wound, which for me, is being abandoned. 💔

So, I had a choice. I could choose to see this as a gift to heal a deep wound and feel my way through that, OR I could be a victim and get all pissed and blame him and rely on him for my happiness. 👎😭

Hmmmmm I choose ME and I choose the former.

I choose to see that this experience is happening FOR me and not TO me; I’ve been given this experience to HEAL the part of me that still believes she NEEDS someone ELSE to like her, to not leave her, when really what she truly needs is to know I WILL NOT LEAVE HER, EVER.

Only *that* kind of profound SELF love is what is going to bring my man in. If I stay in the confines of my old beliefs and habits, I can only experience love from another up to the point of my barrier of fear, and that’s not what I want, nor is it fair to the man that wants to love ALL of me. I NEED to love all of me, too. Scratch that, FIRST!!

Here’s what happened in my head that made this disappearance more disappointing than it really needed to be:

1. Some part of me had unconsciously entered him into an agreement of a relationship, which wasn’t the truth or reality. We were dating. Period. We were not in a committed relationship and therefore my thoughts, or expectations of HOW he “should be” communicating were not representative to reality

2. I took it personally. I don’t know what happened or IS happening, but I do know this: The reason he stopped communicating with me has NOTHING TO DO WITH ME, and it has EVERYTHING to do with WHERE HE IS in his life right now. (this is a tough one for me, as it is my pattern to believe I did something wrong, and then go on a mad mind tear to try and “fix it”)

3. I liked him. A lot. More than I’ve liked anyone in a while and it stung.

Here’s what I recommend for YOU if you’ve been Ghosted:

1. Get REAL and QUIET with yourself.

Pay attention to the parts of you that feel anxious, crazy, worried, in a frenzy, I think you get the picture. 😉 Those parts are the parts of you that need your attention and love. Usually, those parts represent the younger parts of ourselves that are still reeling from pain brought on from long ago. What old wound is being brought up that needs to be healed? Take some time and write about it, and if you can, allow the part of you that is feeling those intense emotions to have the voice. Listen to her and to what she needs. FEEL the feelings coming up for you, they’re happening for you to heal.

2. DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.

Like I said before, we don’t know what is happening with the other person, and making up stories to try and fill a void or make sense of WHY they disappeared will only exacerbate the anxious feelings and make you feel MORE crazy!! Take a deep breath and ask yourself, “what feels better right now, peace or anxiety?” I feel peace when I repeat and remind myself (and my little girl part) that Mr.X not communicating with me right now has nothing to do with me, and has everything to do with where he is in his life right now.

3. DON’T close off to other men!! KEEP DATING!!

Sometimes it can feel like the LAST thing you want to do, but it will keep you open to the possibility of love AND you can continue to refine what kind of man you desire to be with! Dating gives us the opportunity to refine our desires, to get more clear on them, and keeps us in good practice, so when the man for us DOES come along, we don’t dump all our old shit on him!!

4. Ask for help and support from people you trust when you need it.

Ask them to help you remain accountable for dating, and ask them to help you keep your heart open for love

5. Remember, HE IS NOT THE LAST MAN on earth.

I offer you the question my love coach, Nicole Moore, offers her clients: “how would you feel if you had two other amazing men you were dating now?” 😍 that ALWAYS helps me soften the mental blow I’m putting myself through.

I want to hear from you!!

Comment below and ask me the *one question* you feel is keeping you STUCK when it comes to love and dating.

OR share with me your GHOST story and how you moved through it!

Until next time, lots of love, 💕

Lena

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